Sunday, May 15, 2011

"Such a Pretty Fat" and Taking Pictures of Lip Gloss

I have no less than five books going at the moment, one of which is "Such a Pretty Fat," by Jen Lancaster.

I am more motivated to finish this book because it is on another member's wish list on my site.  

And I'm a whore for book credits on now, especially since my sixteen year old sent me a list of like, THIRTY, books he must read over the summer for school.  (Only ONE of which ~ Soulless, by Gail Carriger ~ I own. )

"Take him to the LIBRARY," you quip, all innocent of my devastating personality flaw which prevents me from returning ANYTHING to ANYONE  in a reasonable amount of time.  

(Note to YOU:  Don't loan me anything.)

Thirty books is a lot to barter  and/or  buy, however,  so I think that I might  drop him off at the front door of the library with some I.D. and a piece of mail with his name on it and pray there won't be a "responsible adult" question on the library card application form.    

I'm really enjoying Jen Lancaster's book.  Mostly because she has as many ~ if not more ~ character flaws than I do.    

I'm about half way through it and in it, she attempts to lose weight in order to write this particular book.  And  while attempting to do so, does a lot of introspection and talking about shoes and her highlights.  She is acerbic,  neurotic and funny.      

Actually, this excerpt grabbed me because the idea about "having one's shit together" by 30-something is something that I TOTALLY thought would happen, too.

I'm still waiting  for it to happen...and now that 40 is looming, I am thinking that "getting one's stuff together" might be not so much the passive thing that I had thought it would be.  Perhaps it something that requires much more work than I had originally anticipated....  

"I'm almost out of my thirties.  I always thought I'd have my shit together by now; I'd be thin, I'd be out of debt, I'd be nice out of habit and not just when I wanted something, and maybe I'd own a home.  Yet here I am hurtling toward the big four-oh in an overpriced rental with student loans and a paltry savings account, and when someone calls me a fat bitch, I simply accept it as a fact.  

Right now, I can live with being a renter.  I can live with being broke and fat, and I can live with being a bitch,  but the minute you add "middle-aged" to the equation, I'm afraid my world is going to collapse on itself like a dying star."    Jen Lancaster ~ Such a Pretty Fat

I'm still flailing and flopping around like a fish out of water with this damn weight thing, too.  

I did well for about two weeks about two months ago, but I hurt my foot and literally limped for a month.  For two days I was able to put no weight on it at all.  I thought it was gout at first, then the doctor thought it might be a stress fracture.  

After x-rays, and examination, she declared it to be neither.  

"So how's that imaginary foot thing going for you," Chris likes to ask.  

"It's not freaking imaginary, CHRIS,"  I shoot back.  "I hurts like a mo-fo, and I can't exercise."  

So, my weight has creeped up again, and I am looking at styles of clothing and ticking them off in my head  as unwearable.   

"Belted.  Can't wear that." 

"Jersey cotton.  Clingy.  Can't wear that."  

"Flounced waistline.  Will look effing BOVINE."  

So, I am tired of it.  I really am.   

I sucked it up and joined Weight Watchers online tonight.  The ONLINE thing is a baby step, and I don't think it will go past that online part...but I don't know.   Doing nothing isn't getting me very far .  Left to my own devices, I will be the next one kicked off of an airplane.  

I am not to be trusted with food, alcohol, and credit at Sephora.  Or any cosmetic counter.  

Any lip gloss display will do; I turn into the Tasmanian Devil.   

My el freako thing lately is that I have been taking   pictures of my lips wearing the lip glosses/lipstick and writing reviews on  I take GREAT DELIGHT in doing so.  It makes me SO happy.

Why, in fact, here is one of my newest pictures ~ a Bare Escentuals lipstick in Sherbert.  

As you can see, as a nude color,  "Sherbert" barely shows up on my skin.  But then you add Pink Prosecco lip gloss, and VOILA!  


Dudes, seriously.

I know I am all worldly,  completely sane and intriguing and all.  But I'm taken.    Today was my eleven year anniversary.  I KNOW, right.  He's made it that long, married to me.    I'm sure when he reads this post, he'll question his decision to marry me for the millionth time in eleven years..

I'll keep you informed about the Weight Watchers thing.  And about the lip gloss colors, if you want to know.  Hehehe. 

So, since I joined tonight and will start tomorrow, I MUST finish off this bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon and tortilla chips.  Oh, and there was that peach cobbler I made for dessert last night.  OH...and that Godiva Chocolate mint candy bar that I was forced to buy because Maggie took a bite out of it at Dillards department store....and that Cadbury Easter egg I bought on clearance....oooooooooooohhhhhhh.

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