Thursday, October 28, 2010


Maggie is obsessed with drawing "faces."   My boys didn't do this kind of shiz when they were 2 1/2 years old.  She also knew her alphabet and could count to ten by the time she turned 2, and was reading over 50 words by sight.  Who is this kid?  And where the hell am I going to send her to preschool?!

Lip Gloss and Wind Chimes

Note the goop all over my kitchen drawer. 

It was caused by "you-know-who" (Maggie, in-case-you-don't) who foraged through my purse and found my new Benefit lip gloss, then went to town on only this drawer.  

Afterwards, she put the lid back on and put the lip gloss back in my purse where she found it.  Oh, how I would love to get into her mind to know what she was thinking.  

I have to be careful where I leave my purse because she has an obsession with lip gloss/lipstick.  I have no idea WHERE she would have gotten this obsession because NO ONE in this house gives a hoot about lip gloss, lipstick, make-up, etc.   

 So, while I had my camera out, I thought I would take a picture of some things I have found in thrift stores in the area.  I have decided (along with learning how to play guitar) that I need hobbies.  And if those hobbies make me some extra money, that would be kick ass.

Chris bought me an adorable little handmade teapot windchime for our anniversary this past year.  For as small as it was, it wasn't really cheap.  But I loved it.

And since I don't really ask for a whole lot except his time, attention and soul, he bought it for me.

Last week, I taught myself how to play guitar in one day with the attitude that "it can't be THAT hard."

 I mean, look at all the burnouts who call themselves rockstars who have learned to play guitar with faculties that are painfully deficient, if not completely absent.

That is how I feel about making windchimes.  Sort of.  I suppose it takes a little artistic ability, but I am a Pisces and aren't they known for being a little artsy and whimsical?  (They are also known for being weepy, depressive and a bit crazy.)

How hard can it be?    I just need to learn how to use a drill and someone needs to show me what kind of drill bit to use.   I am inspecting the kind of wire/techniques used on my anniversary chime.  

With a little imagination, you never know.   I might totally impress myself.

Oh, and I found this  ashtray at a thrift store the other day.  I thought it might make a cute little windchime.  It was $.50.  But I looked closer  and it says 1933-1934 World's Fair Chicago on top,  Travel and Transport Building on the bottom.  I did a little research online and it might be worth a little bit more than what I paid for it.  Specifically, there was one online that was a bit larger.  The seller was asking $155.00.  I know that what one asks for something and what one gets for it is two different things, but still....

Monday, October 25, 2010

New Pictures

I thought it had been a while since I had posted pictures!  Took a few at Wes' last football game this past Saturday, but we couldn't see much from where we were sitting.  

Soooo, the football game consisted of pictures of Maggie.   

Also, I took some pictures of my flowers/baskets/flowering shrubs this morning.  

I love Fall in Florida; the flowers are starting to look less beaten down and ragged from the heat of summer and my jasmines are starting to flower.  Jasmines are my favorite ( as you may or may not know). 
Maggie playing at Wes' last football game

Maggie and Grandpa

A touchdown for our team.  They still didn't win.  No wins this season.   There were tears.

Chris finished the fence.  He's a rock star. 

My Sambac Jasmine is flowering again!  

My climbing yellow roses are beautiful, too!

We're decorated for Halloween...

Entryway Sambac Jasmine shrub.  Bought two more and am planting them this week!  What a welcoming scent for visitors, I think...

Moss rose is going BANANAS.

They need water, I know.  But love yellow mums.  They are so happy.

Again, everything needs water!  I thought the morning sun was so beautiful.  It is a warm October morning, though!  Supposed to be about 90 today.  Whew.

Entryway.  That shrub in the pot is the changing out what is there.  I want flowers and lovely scents in my front entry way~!    This area is a work in progress for me :)

Again, the morning sun was gorgeous.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Shi* My Kid Ruined: Daily Entry. And Things That Bug Me.

I have a sneaking suspicion that these pen marks are fresh.

They are right next to my bed and I don't recall  them being there yesterday.

There are quite a few pen marks adjacent to these new pen marks that were not easily erased by Mr. Clean Magic Eraser so I just let them go.  My plan was to just paint OVER them with my Sherwin Williams Duration paint that is currently awaiting my usage in the garage, color "Cork Wedge."

As I mentioned in a previous blog, the Duration paint is supposed to be the "most washable" paint in the Sherwin Williams line of paints.

They even have a display set up in the store to show the superior washability of their paints.

You can write on a simulated "their" painted wall and a simulated "our" (i.e. Sherwin Williams) painted wall with a  provided marker.

Go ahead, do it ~  scribble until  your heart is content!

They  also provide you with a cute little spray bottle with plain Jane water and a wet nap to prove the superiority of their product.

"Their" wall  (the competitor) is a mess that has been  jacked up by previous customers attempts with the marker that won't scrub off.  "Our" wall, of course, is pristine.

Now, I quite believe that this little set up is a farce.  Because nothing has EVER come off a wall that I have painted with Duration paint that easily.


I am thinking of writing the company with copies of my receipts and asking for my money back.   They have not met a Maggie, obviously.

Which leads me to my next adventure du jour.

Sorry for the blur, but I had to use my "Photo Booth" feature on my MacBook   because I couldn't find my new digital camera.   In other words, I had to take a picture with my computer.  Yea, complicated.  GRRR.

If you are really a creative person, it sort of looks like "I heart you" in cursive.

What I see are scribbles on my garden tub in blue Sharpie.

....AFTER Mr. Clean Magic Eraser did his job scrubbing his little bald genie ass off.

I know what you are thinking:  why don't these dumbasses keep these markers/pens/pencils away from the toddler?

And I maintain:  WE DO!!!!!!!!!!

The Sharpie, I know for a fact, was used earlier today  and was on the kitchen counter far enough away from her reach.

I am MUCH more careful with Sharpies because we have heirloom furniture and artwork that family would surely ostrasize us if we allowed our two year old to ruin.

She has taken to standing on things to get what she wants, though.  So, technically, nothing is out of reach.  She is climbing the pantry shelves, even.  I mean, really.


Why didn't God give us this child when we were in our 20's?   When we were full of energy and didn't need to nap in the afternoons?  

I'm going to gripe about one more thing, then I'm going to say a positive.

Does it bug you when someone doesn't accept your friend request on Facebook and you KNOW she knows who you are and you were part of the same "friend group" in high school?

And also,  you KNOW she is active on Facebook because you made a comment on a mutual friend's picture, and then SHE made a comment on that same friends' picture?

 SO YOU KNOW that she saw your friend request, so she is just ignoring your request?    Yeah, it bugs me.

It feels like I am back in high school again.

Totally.  I hated high school.  It was a stupid bitch of a time in my life and I never thought I would have to re-live it again.  Then Facebook happened.  And HELLOOOO???

The positive:  I finished a book today and it was totally awesome.

It took me a bit longer to get into, because I am used to vapid vampire books,  Us Weekly and People (mostly for the pictures).

But this was totally worth it.  It has been a long, long time that I felt sad that I finished a book.  I loved the house.  I loved the characters.  I loved the whole thing.

I'm starting this one now:

It probably won't take me long to get into because it is more my pace.

I'll let you know how I like it when I am finished.

Please send good vibes and prayers that nothing else is ruined tonight, though.  It will be highly appreciated.


Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Containment and Peeing in Public: Opportunity Lost

A good friend came over on Saturday morning to install THIS:

Her escape plot is FOILED!!!!!!!!!
THIS is going to make my life so much freaking easier, I am almost doing back flips.   Maggie is not going to be able to run outside NAKED ANYMORE!

In the past few weeks, nothing will keep this child inside.

She knows how to unlock doors, turn dead bolts  and is not afraid to run full tilt down the street, her family just an afterthought residing in that two-story craftsman style brick behind her.

The neighbors probably think we have zero control over our brood, and honestly, we sort of don't. Particularly the two year old.

But thanks to our friend Hank, his tool box and this J-lock, we have more control than we have had, like, ever.

It's a good thing we live in a cul-de-sac.

Not such a good thing that there was a water-mocassin in our yard two weeks ago that almost bit Wesley.

Just ONE of the many number of reasons this two year old needs to be contained.

Oh, also it was pointed out to me that I was super-duper mean on my post yesterday when I stated that my brother was "pushing 40."   He is actually 35.  

I rounded up on his age and what I meant was that he is on the "latter half" of this decade to 40.  As am I.

I was using it as an illustration, people.  Sheesh.

He's still not getting any younger ladies.

Another thing I wanted to mention:  yesterday Chris and I ran errands ALL DAY and about half of that time I had to use the bathroom, but I didn't want to use a public toilet.

I realized that I didn't move fast enough on my Go-Girl purchase that I discussed a few weeks ago.

I was sitting in the middle of the Publix parking lot  ~ or PUBIX, as my dad likes to call it ~ waiting for my husband to pick up a prescription, and I realized that I COULD PEE RIGHT THERE AND NO ONE WOULD KNOW IT!

I was wearing my adorable Boden Denim skirt that I could just yank up a little.   I could just pee in the Go-Girl and not one person in that parking lot would be any wiser.
Totally freaking cute, right?  

I'm going to have to order the Go-Girl pronto.

I better get back to my futile task of cleaning up the house.  It is futile because the two year old keeps tearing everything apart after I clean it up.

So I am really not sure why I am bothering with it.

I don't know how people do it with multiple children at home, I really don't.

 I mean, really, hats off to you.

It's about 2pm and I'm almost ready for vodka.  


Monday, October 18, 2010

New Journeys, Updates and Epiphanies

I looked over my posts lately and noticed I have not said anything about running or the gym.

That is because a.) I have done absolutely no running, and b.) I have not been to the gym in ages.


Rather, I have been quite a fantabulous couch potato, valued online shopper to J Crew and trusty chauffeur.  

This is Wesley's last week of football  and I am terribly excited about it.

I am pretty much over eating dinner at 9 p.m.

Chris is completing his first stint as assistant Pop Warner coach to a mess of squirrelly  8-10 year olds.

All of the practice is all for naught because every Saturday it has been a veritable slaughter on the football field for the boys.

Our parents have begun standing and applauding for first downs as if they were touchdowns.   Yep, they are that bad.

Their last game is this Saturday.

They are playing another team that has won not one game.  This may very well be the most  interesting game of the season to attend by far;   I may even show up on time.

I have thrown caution to the wind with the diet and exercise program.  

I thoroughly enjoy my salads, so I have been still been eating those, but I also have been drinking my wine, eating regular pepperoni and cheese and have discovered that whole milk mixed with Hershey's syrup makes delightful chocolate milk.

In short, I'm sort of over myself.   And something interesting happened when I got over myself...when I got over obsessing about the diets, the running, the exercising, the gym:

I lost some weight.

Not a lot, but enough for people to notice.

I might be onto something...

I also started reading again.

I used to read a book every couple of days which now is virtually impossible with the bigger house and bigger family to take care of (not very well, but I try...sort of~).

I began a new series that I really like:

I finished the first in the series and have the second waiting in a huge PILE of books waiting to be read by my bed.

I am in the middle of a slower paced, yet interesting book that is taking me longer to get through.
I am becoming active on again.

It is a WONDERFUL website that I encourage you to check out.

It is a great way to recycle your books if you have a lot lying around.

It's basically a book trade.  You pay for postage to send a book out if someone requests a book FROM you (about 2.50 to send a book) but if you request a book from some, they pay for postage to send it TO you. all evens out in the end.

I'm also becoming inspired by personal blogs that I am reading and am wanting to learn more about how to sew and create things...

I follow Bromeliad and I love her blog.  She has such interesting pictures and ideas and sees things in a way that I don't.   I want to learn how to make these cloth flowers to add to my t-shirts!

And isn't this an adorable Halloween flower planter???
 It is from the FlowerGardengirl blog, who has such awesome flower/pots/plant ideas.

I have also recently discovered The Good Life blog, too.  This is one of her newest Anthropologie projects:

There are so many fun ideas and inspirations out there and it is really amazing to me that I virtually have the world at my fingertips via the internet.  I have no excuse to be a boring, uninspired person.   There are ideas upon many so that it is mind-boggling!

I have never really had a challenge for myself other than diet and exercise.

I know, beyond shallow.  Right?

At my age, though, I think it is time to think about things a little differently.   Maybe if  I do so, the other stuff (weight/health/family) will fall into place, too.

Is this what is called an epiphany?   Perhaps other people have them at earlier ages and I am a late bloomer.  Late bloomers run in my family.  Hell,  my brother is almost 40 and not married.

For me, I'm going to try a different direction.  I think that first step is going to be fixing my sewing machine.  I bought a second-hand sewing machine a couple years ago and jammed it the very first time I tried to put random cloth through it to "test" it.

There are "crafters" at our church ~ i.e. a bunch of sweet ladies ~ who would probably love to tell me how to use a sewing machine.

So, I think that this will be my first goals this week:


Except, I am not sure where the sewing machine is because it has been moved twice since I bought it.  So technically #1 should be "find the sewing machine, then #2 should be "un-jam the sewing machine and learn how to use it (basics)."

But whatever.


I'll keep you updated on my new journey.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Whoring for Samples and Expensive French Perfume

Somehow, I have made it onto at least fifty e-mail lists.

One company that I regularly receive e-mails from is Sephora.  Which is dangerous with a capital "D"  because I am SUCH a sucker for gimmicky crap.

And Benefit cosmetics is one of the worst offenders of gimmicks and kitch.

And when they put gimmicks, kitchiness and make-up into value sets and sell them on Sephora, then send a picture of the set out in an email advertising it?  I am ALL OVER that shiz.

I received an email advertising this promotion earlier this week.  I think I was one of the first ones to buy it.  Not even kidding.

  • kit includes:
  • CORALista coral-pink cheek powder 3.0 g Net wt. 0.1 oz.
  • high beam luminescent complexion enhancer 2.5 mL / 0.08 US fl. oz.
  • moon beam iridescent complexion enhancer 2.5 mL / 0.08 US fl. oz.
  • 5 shade eyeshadow palette 5.0 g Net wt. 0.18 oz.
  • BADgal lash mascara 4.0 g Net wt. 0.14 oz.
  • full size life on the A list lip gloss 5.0 mL / 0.17 US fl. oz.
  • fluff shadow/hard angle brush
After I bought "Her Name Was Glowla," I was on a bit of a freakish make-up/cosmetic high,  so I sort of went beserk and bought Thierry Mugler's Angel, too.

I wasn't going to, but I was at Dillards and I was smelling it and admiring the gift set and I remarked to the saleslady what an awesome value the set was.

You know how I feel about value.

The set had a .85 ounce refillable perfume, a shower gel and a large tube of perfumed lotion.

(I used that shower gel the other day, and it is seriously like NO OTHER shower gel I have ever used.  Ever.  Forget that Bath and Body Works crap...this was the real thing.  It was fine  ~in a luxurious type of way ~ and just felt like if I wanted to buy a full-sized bottle was going cost me much more than I really wanted to pay for shower gel.)
Angel:  Bergamot, Hedione, Helional, Honey, Dewberry, Red Berries, Vanilla, Caramel, Patchouli, Chocolate, Coumarin.
Anyway,  as I thought harder about it at the store, I hadn't purchased a new perfume in a long, long time.
I think it was in Aruba when I first learned I was knocked up with Maggie and that was over three years ago.    

So obviously, I needed something different.   I "hmm'd" and "haw'd" and the sales lady started playing hardball.

She spoke in broken English, anyway, and I wasn't catching all that she was saying, but I made out,  " gift set, ...give... samples.  You like samples?"

Oh, hell yes, I like samples.

And then, using that same, sneaky hardball sample technique, she got me to sign up for a credit card.

I didn't want to do it, but she promised me more samples.

I haven't been to the mall in ages, and apparently the mechanism that allows me to say, "no thanks" has become rusty with disuse.

I must have been so predictable and had pushover written all over me.

For mere samples, she sold me a rather pricey (albeit a good deal) French perfume set and got me to sign up for the department store credit card.  She must have been working on commission.

I do have to say, however, some of the samples I received were pretty cool.  My husband is going to be smelling pretty awesome for a long time.

This is my favorite that he is wearing.  He smells pretty hawt.

Thierry Mugler A'Men:  Lavender, Bergamot, Helional, Aldehydes, Peppermint, Roasted Coffee, Patchouli, Caramel, Tonka Bean, Tar, Musk, Vanilla, Chocolate.

"You come back to me, I give you more samples," said the sales lady as I walked away with the gift set and a bag full of perfume vials.

Yeah, it was a pretty effective way of getting me back to her.

"I'll come back to you....and ONLY you,"  I wanted to call and blow her a kiss as I waved good-bye and floated out of the store.

"For samples, I will do just about anything you ask.  Just about anything."

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Zombie Invasions and Building Fences

Well, after being hounded for french fries and Ipod music last night (among scores of other things),  one would think that naturally the next step for me would have been retreating to my bedroom to nap, hide and/or drink wine.  

Alas.  That was not the case.

I was strong and I persevered last night.  

 I did showers.  I did baths.   I kept on trucking.

However,  tonight?

I am sporting this crazy PMS 'tude that you would NOT believe.  

That said, I am hiding in my room listening to my husband have a tea party with my two year old, Maggie.  

He even had her bring me a spot of tea because "Mommy likes to be brought tea in bed when she has her period,"  (as he told her as she ran in trying to to balance her tea cup on the saucer).

I asked him if he could sport some pretend vodka with that pretend know...just to take the edge off.

He's sort of a super dude today, anyway.  At least I think so.  

I watched him build a fence today.

The fence building skillz have not surfaced before;  I am duly and righteously impressed.

Lately,  we have been feeling very old and grumpy about our lawn because of some un-parented, brutish Philistines have been using our yard as a bike path.  

It started with kids walking across our yard, which is STILL not okay, but is not the end of the world.
Us...feeling very old and grumpy

What irks me is the laziness of these little turds, because there is a worn foot path through an empty lot just one skip over...not even ten feet from the entrance of our yard.

So, what it amounts to is sheer laziness.
In Progress

In Progress
 At night, however, that OTHER path isn't lit and ours is.    This means the traffic through our yard is occurring at night which does not  please us.

So...welcome to the world of home ownership.  

If one of these little snot-nosed asswipes would fall down on his bike while trespassing, we could quite possibly be sued by his non-existent parent.

Because, you know, this is Florida.  Not a whole lot gets people riled up around here except car inventory sales, gun shows and lawyers beseeching people to "seek compensation for their injuries."  People are downright ITCHING to sue.

Chris needed to figure out how to make a fence.  Pronto.

Because we are always trying to save a few bucks, we bought the wood and the panels, instead of the pre-made fence.  

It actually turned out better than the pre-made fence.  Because you know what?  My husband is a rock star who builds fences (legally ~ he got a PERMIT and everything, yo), has tea parties with my daughter and coaches football.  

In Progress

Tonight.... even if I do have a great husband,  if I hear "Mom, can I have..." one more time, I might just get all "Kill Bill" on everyone.

I'm sure there are kung fu moves deep within me somewhere that would razzle-dazzle and impress (and probably scare the piss) out of the kids.  

But I'm drowning those kung fu urges in chardonnay this evening, and am searching YouTube for make-up "how-to" videos.

My favorites are Michele Phan and Kandee Johnson, and believe me ~ Chris makes fun of me every chance he gets about watching these videos.

Before Maggie chewed up my earphones, I would go to sleep watching Kandee Johnson make-up tutorials at night on my Ipod Touch.  

I found it a very pleasant way to drift off to dreamland and it made me very happy.  I had very sweet dreams about plumping mascara and luminating blusher.
Kandee Johnson's newest tutuorial:  You Can Be a Princess, Too!  
So, while Chris is building fences, I am learning how to make a killer "smokey eye" with the Urban Decay palette.    And  learning how to perform facials with sugar and lemons.  

I suppose in the event of a zombie invasion, his skill would be more useful.  But I will be more relaxed, buzzed and will be sporting have Megan Fox eyes.  I will die happy with sexy eyes.

Oh, and my skin will be dazzling after the sugar and lemon scrub.

As usual, Chris and I will compliment each other.    

I just hope that the zombies go for the heathens on the bikes cutting through our yard first.  

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

The Most Annoying Conversation Ever

How freaking annoying is this conversation?   This is why I am half crazy.  I'm not even exaggerating;  this is how it just went down.

Cal:  What's for dinner?

Me:  Tater tot casserole.

Cal:  With fries?

Me:  No, tater tots.

Cal:  Did you make fries?

Me:  Um, no.  It's tater tot casserole and I used tater tots on top.

Cal:  You put fries on top last time.

Me:  That was because I was out of tater tots.  I have tater tots now.  There are no fries.

Cal:  Can you make fries?

Me:  I'm not making fries.

Cal:  Why?

Me:  Because we are having tater tots.  We don't need fries.

Cal:  We have fries in the freezer.

Me:  No.

Cal:  They've been in the freezer for a long time!

Me:  I don't want to talk about this anymore.

Cal:  Please make some fries?

Me:  No.

Cal:  Please?

Me:  No.


Cal:  Can you get me some Ipod songs?

Tuesday, October 5, 2010


I am totally going to buy this.

I'm not sure when I would use it, since I am home most of the time where toilets are readily available.

But it seems like something that would be useful to have in the car for myself since I have a crippling fear (I kid you NOT) of porta potties and toilets that are just holes in the ground.  

And toilets (like in airplanes and RV's) that you have to open a hatch to let the contents down into a resevoir.  I'm terrified of those. 

And also, when I was younger, I couldn't use the toilet if it had a black toilet seat lid.  My mother had to back me in (my eyes were closed) and sit me down at rest stops; I made pee breaks during family vacations a headache, I am sure.   

That aside, can I get a "hell yeah" for girls peeing while standing up and not dribbling?