Thursday, October 14, 2010

Zombie Invasions and Building Fences

Well, after being hounded for french fries and Ipod music last night (among scores of other things),  one would think that naturally the next step for me would have been retreating to my bedroom to nap, hide and/or drink wine.  

Alas.  That was not the case.

I was strong and I persevered last night.  

 I did showers.  I did baths.   I kept on trucking.

However,  tonight?

I am sporting this crazy PMS 'tude that you would NOT believe.  

That said, I am hiding in my room listening to my husband have a tea party with my two year old, Maggie.  

He even had her bring me a spot of tea because "Mommy likes to be brought tea in bed when she has her period,"  (as he told her as she ran in trying to to balance her tea cup on the saucer).

I asked him if he could sport some pretend vodka with that pretend know...just to take the edge off.

He's sort of a super dude today, anyway.  At least I think so.  

I watched him build a fence today.

The fence building skillz have not surfaced before;  I am duly and righteously impressed.

Lately,  we have been feeling very old and grumpy about our lawn because of some un-parented, brutish Philistines have been using our yard as a bike path.  

It started with kids walking across our yard, which is STILL not okay, but is not the end of the world.
Us...feeling very old and grumpy

What irks me is the laziness of these little turds, because there is a worn foot path through an empty lot just one skip over...not even ten feet from the entrance of our yard.

So, what it amounts to is sheer laziness.
In Progress

In Progress
 At night, however, that OTHER path isn't lit and ours is.    This means the traffic through our yard is occurring at night which does not  please us.

So...welcome to the world of home ownership.  

If one of these little snot-nosed asswipes would fall down on his bike while trespassing, we could quite possibly be sued by his non-existent parent.

Because, you know, this is Florida.  Not a whole lot gets people riled up around here except car inventory sales, gun shows and lawyers beseeching people to "seek compensation for their injuries."  People are downright ITCHING to sue.

Chris needed to figure out how to make a fence.  Pronto.

Because we are always trying to save a few bucks, we bought the wood and the panels, instead of the pre-made fence.  

It actually turned out better than the pre-made fence.  Because you know what?  My husband is a rock star who builds fences (legally ~ he got a PERMIT and everything, yo), has tea parties with my daughter and coaches football.  

In Progress

Tonight.... even if I do have a great husband,  if I hear "Mom, can I have..." one more time, I might just get all "Kill Bill" on everyone.

I'm sure there are kung fu moves deep within me somewhere that would razzle-dazzle and impress (and probably scare the piss) out of the kids.  

But I'm drowning those kung fu urges in chardonnay this evening, and am searching YouTube for make-up "how-to" videos.

My favorites are Michele Phan and Kandee Johnson, and believe me ~ Chris makes fun of me every chance he gets about watching these videos.

Before Maggie chewed up my earphones, I would go to sleep watching Kandee Johnson make-up tutorials at night on my Ipod Touch.  

I found it a very pleasant way to drift off to dreamland and it made me very happy.  I had very sweet dreams about plumping mascara and luminating blusher.
Kandee Johnson's newest tutuorial:  You Can Be a Princess, Too!  
So, while Chris is building fences, I am learning how to make a killer "smokey eye" with the Urban Decay palette.    And  learning how to perform facials with sugar and lemons.  

I suppose in the event of a zombie invasion, his skill would be more useful.  But I will be more relaxed, buzzed and will be sporting have Megan Fox eyes.  I will die happy with sexy eyes.

Oh, and my skin will be dazzling after the sugar and lemon scrub.

As usual, Chris and I will compliment each other.    

I just hope that the zombies go for the heathens on the bikes cutting through our yard first.  

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