Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Death to All Arachnids, But Spiderman is Cool (& Bob&Larry)

The first one was perched on my garden tub not quite two weeks ago.  

They sneak up on you, that way.   Suddenly they are creepy . 

"Oh, my gosh!  Frack,"  I yelled.  

The two year old skidded in to investigate, as she usually does.  

She hates spiders, bugs or anything that resembles the former.  Such as hair, or fuzzies.  

All of the above give her uncontrollable shudders and shivers. 
The spectacle in front of her was no different. 

 She shuddered and shivered and screamed "Ohhh, nooooooooo,"  over and over again, whilst I stood there, wrapped in a towel, trying to efficiently get ready for church so we wouldn't be late.  Again.  This damn spider had thrown a wrench into my morning.

I found a flip flop.  The larger ones seem to have brains, and when I went after it, it ran away from me and hid behind a vase.   

The creepy thing was that it was SO BIG, that I could here the "click, click" of its legs on the tub's porcelain finish. 

(Okay, the tub is plastic.  All of our tubs are plastic, bought in bulk, probably at Lowe's by the general contractor in those one piece el cheapo tub/shower combos.  I thought I would impress you with the porcelain comment, but my conscience got the best of me.)

I finally found my Aussie Freeze hairspray and sprayed it until it was barely able to move.  I used about a half a roll of toilet paper to pick it up, then flushed the vile thing down the toilet. 

 I made a mental note to tell Chris about this, because we had just had the bug guy come in to spray our house (inside and outside) for bugs, SPECIFICALLY SPIDERS, the previous week.  

Fast forward not even one week later.  Chris' mother was visiting from Minnesota.  She was upstairs but hustled her butt down to the first floor (as fast as she could so soon after a knee replacement) when I started screaming bloody murder.  

There was yet ANOTHER spider on the wall by the master bedroom.  I did not think it could be possible, but it was LARGER than the first spider.  She quickly took charge and sprayed Fantastik on it, knocked it down and beat it with a shoe screaming "DIE, DIE, DIE.".

The puppy hid from her in the powder room for a good hour.  

Several days later, I happened to turn on the light when I went to get a drink in the middle of the night.  You guessed it.  Another spider.  I got a Ball jar and placed it on top of it so Chris could take a gander.  

Although it was smaller than the others, he got the idea and called the pest control company, because among lots of other things, I don't do phone calls.

And...this morning, while going through the laundry from our bedroom, a fourth creature from HELL jumped out at me, then eluded me for quite a while.  

However, I was PERSISTENT and PISSED OFF and claimed VICTORY over the eight-legged FREAK.  Now, I have two spiders in the Ball jar.  

I have named them Bob and Larry.  And they hate each other.  They pretty much stay away from each other as much as they can, except every once in a while if one gets in the other's "territory" they get a little punchy.  A bit of a scuffle follows.

 I'm pretty sure they are just wolf spiders on steroids and they are fine outside, but I don't want them in my house, for the love of Margaret Thatcher.   

The bug guy is showing his face here tomorrow at 9 a.m.   I want no more spiders.  Death to them all.


Melissa Narber said...

The goose bumps remain on my forearms several minutes after looking at the picture and reading your post. I hate spiders and question God on his choice on these creatures...I mean, they could have looked a little different, you know? He must have had His reasons.

Patty Drew Amundson said...

Oh, those guys in the jar are tiny! The one I beat to death was almost human-sized! I HATE those things!!! Poor Ragnar probably thought I was going to beat him with a shoe also!!! I look so vicious!!! LOL

Beth said...

Those are AWFUL!!! In our first house, I had to constantly battle scorpians - GROSS! Good job being able to capture two massive spiders. I get the creeps just looking at the pic of them.

M.A. said...

Scorpions are TERRIBLE!!!! We had those in our rental when we were building this house. I HATE THEM! Those, and cockroachs. Eeeeeewwwww.