Monday, June 27, 2011

Teen TRX and Moaners at the Gym

We signed my 16 year old up for TRX this summer.

It was a class offered at our gym and is exclusively for teens.  It meets Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays in the afternoons.

I figured this would serve a couple purposes.  First,  it would get him out of the stink chair he has claimed in front of the  XBOX.

Second,  I thought it would keep him in shape over the summer.  For those of you who have done TRX workouts know they can about kill you if you let them.

Here is an overview video of TRX.  These bitches ladies make it look crazy easy.    It's hard freaking work.

As I was looking for a video to share with you, I found several videos from Mr. Universe, 2009, who does some uber sick moves with the TRX straps to make him look like the Incredible Hulk.

I personally do not find this look attractive.  Personally, I like men who are subtlety muscled.  The ripped look makes me think "seedy" and "oily."   But if you look up "Mr. Universe 2009 TRX," on YouTube, you can see what this workout will make of you if you take it to the extreme.

Today when I dropped him off at TRX, I decided to stay.

I hadn't exercised today and my dinner last night of hushpuppies, chicken nuggets and shame still sat in my belly from last night.

Oh yea, as well as my lunch from Taco Hell, which BY THE WAY which still rumbled like a thundercloud, releasing gaseous waste products that begged to be expelled from my ass.

Not the best idea to go to the gym and get on the treadmill.

I hopped on the treadmill with the best of intentions and since the cardio room was practically empty, I burped and eek out a couple of unladylike farts.  

I was feeling miserable, but I had an entire 50 minutes to kill while Cal was in class, and there was NO WAY I was getting in my car and going home.  Three miles was my goal.  But I was starting to get a stomach ache, and I was starting to feel like there was something more substantive coming behind the toots.

Then a groaner hopped on the treadmill next to me.  I looked around the room and there were NO MORE machines being used.  She got on the one DIRECTLY next to me.  WHY?  Seriously?  I know there are urinal rules;  shouldn't there be treadmill rules too?

The treadmill next to me was a crappy one.  Perhaps she wanted to watch the show on the television in front of it.  I don't know.  What I DID know was that she was in my space and HER weird noises were rudely moving in on MY weird noises.

She was cramping my style.

And I was having serious issues.  I was at about 1.25 and I was hurting, yo.

My shirt was riding up.  I had a wedgie.  I couldn't hold my belly in like I usually do to give the illusion a smaller waistline.


Everything was hanging out and I didn't have the wear-withall to hold myself together.  And she was directly next to me, moaning...and one time said "Oh, YEAAAAAA."

What the frick was this?  The honeymoon  suite?

A mile an a half was all I could take.  I pushed the emergency stop, gathered my belongings and hustled quickly to the elevator.

Yes, my gym has an elevator.  AND stairs.  But I would have to walk past the front desk to get to the stairs.  And there was a desperate look to me.

I took the elevator up to the more private bathrooms which were, mercifully, unoccupied.

I gathered my belongings again, took the elevator back down ~ feeling like a NEW WOMAN, I cannot lie ~ and dropped my belongings next to the moaner.  I hopped back on and did another 1.5....which met my goal of 3 miles.

It was a rough 3 miles.  A little painful.  I won't eat pintos and cheese and a burrito supreme again before I try to jog again, I think.

Just a little life lesson that I will file away for a rainy day.

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