Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Fairy Godmothers and Turkey Chili

This was a friend's Facebook comment tonight:

any other moms find this time of day to be sucky?

I noted her comment as I collapsed on the couch after preparing a meal of scrambled eggs and cereal for Maggie.

I was tired and overwhelmed at the task ahead of me of preparing her for bed ~ because it is always such a production. I desperately wanted to elicit help from someone, anyone, to come put her to bed for me.

(I you are interested, I would tell you exactly what to do. I am really, really good at giving orders from the couch. Like, too good.)

It was a busy morning. For the second day in a row (shocking, really) I got up and showered. I toted Maggie to story hour. It wasn't a relaxing story hour. But then again, it never is.

I crossed the street to Kohl's. I was pretty quick in there because I had to pee. By the time I realized this, I had already tossed a value pack of socks in the cart($2.80!), along with a McIntosh apple fragrance diffuser and a Pumpkin spice candle.

That meant that going to the bathroom would involve unbuckling Maggie from the cart, then dragging her into the stall with me. I truly wasn't up to that for reasons I believe I have made clear in my previous posts. A crazy toddler in a dressing room is one thing; a public bathroom is completely different.

We went home and I prepared a lunch to take to my husband at work.

I KNOW. It shocked me, too.

I've never done that before. But honestly, I am sick and tired of people not eating my leftovers.

On a daily basis I am asked, "what do we have to eat?" To which I reply, "There is some leftover (insert last night's dinner) in the refrigerator." Ninety-nine percent of the time, my suggestion is met with a wrinkle of the nose.

So you know what? I took him the damn leftovers today.

And showed up in front of everyone. And sat with him while he ate. He would look like an ass if he suggested McDonald's after all of that effort.

This was a lot of activity for me before 2pm. And it made me really, really hungry.

Last night's turkey chili leftovers sounded awesome.

I once read about eating food from a tea cup to control portion sizes and weight. I think the authors are evil bitches, because I am still am not in my little black dress. I had so much hope going into that book. So much hope.

The teacup serving nugget of advice stuck with me, though.

If I was going to blow it, I might as well blow it with baby steps instead of one big giant leap So, I heated up a teacup full of chili to practically boiling. And ate it slowly. I was still in a mood, so I heated up another teacup of chili.

As I was carrying it to the table, I dumped it on my hand. And holy balls. It burned. Chili up splattered down the front of my new white tank cami (Target, $3.24), on the walls, trim, floor and on my feet. The spray literally flung across three rooms.

Sven, the Cairn Terrier was delighted. I let him lick up the spilled contents that included ground turkey, V8 juice and red kidney beans. He will not be allowed in our room tonight.

I still had the munchies a few hours later. I decided to cut up a grapefruit with one half of an serrated, electric knife. Not one of my brightest moves, but all of my steak knives were dirty and sitting in the dishwasher waiting for a cycle.

It sliced through the grapefruit and the tip of my finger.

So, I was wallowing ~ tired and pained~ in that black hole suckiness between dinner and bedtime. I practically swooned at the thought of a huge glass of chardonnay.

I wished that a fairy godmother would appear and put my toddler to bed. And after that task, she could clean up the mess of toys around me, dust, then take down the Christmas ornaments.

Because at this point Maggie had thrown down her spoon and was using her hands to scoop up the vile Gerber oatmeal that she loves so much and was in the process of flinging it to floor.

This action came complete with the sound effect, "DaHHHH! DaHHHH! DaHHHH!" (Dog.) Sven was the gleeful beneficiary of this misbehavior.

I mustered up my umpteenth wind for the day.

It was brought upon by the promise of my snuggly flannel penguin sheets, an Ambien and a mind numbing science fiction book.

Today, these happy thoughts were the carrots I needed to keep me moving forward, and sometimes a carrot is just what I need.

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