Sunday, February 28, 2010

Anti-Depressants and Blood Work

I thought that I was going to cause a riot at LabCorp this morning.

Because there is no lab or phlebotomist at my doctor's office, one must make an appointment with an independent lab when there is a need for blood work.

Hence my visit to LabCorp immediately after I crawled out of bed.

Appointments are encouraged at LabCorp, but not necessary. I have always made an appointment because my experience is that the place is hopping first thing in the morning. People tend to show up for their "fasting" blood work before they get too hungry or develop symptoms of caffeine withdrawal.

Today was no different. There were no chairs available. I signed in, then stood against a wall and waited.

I quickly noticed that the others around me were agitated .

It was 7:45 a.m. and I overheard a woman say that she had been there since 6:55. I contemplated crossing my name off of the list and trying again tomorrow. I was feeling an impending bowel issue and I hadn't had my morning coffee.

When my name was called several minutes later, it was obvious that I was not the popular girl in the room. I handed my lab sheet to the receptionist then stood at the front desk as she gathered my pertinent information. I could feel the angry eyes from those who had been waiting for an hour. Awkward.

I observed an impending scuffle at the sign in sheet. A visibly upset older man appeared to be counting the names before and after his on the list.

"Sir, please let the woman next to you sign in," the receptionist said. Either he didn't hear her or he ignored her.

"Sir, please take a seat. We will call you when it is your turn."

I hate to be in this type of situation.

The receptionist muttered something to herself that sounded a bit like "I'm going to smack him," but I can't be 100% sure. She rolled her chair over to the clipboard, pulled it out of his hands and set it it in front of the bewildered woman next to him.

It was obviously an unfortunate time to show up to LabCorp without an appointment.

I was in and out of the place in fifteen minutes. I tried not to make eye contact with anyone in the waiting room as I exited the building. I seemed to have caused some resentment.

Needless to say, I was more than ready for my coffee.

I woke up last night and was unable to fall back to sleep.

I stressed about the LabCorp appointment.

I fretted abut the mortgage and the piddly minutiae the bank was currently hounding us for, turning the entire home buying experience into some sort of sick water torture treatment.

My anxiety quelled about the tax preparation appointment we had not made yet.

I thought about my car that is leaking oil all over the driveway.

And my phone which has still not been replaced. It was inadvertently thrown in the washing machine ~ wrapped in bed sheets ~ after Maggie barfed on our bed over two weeks ago.

And the cockroach invasion that had begun in the kitchen, much to my f-r-e-a-k-e-d out and utter dismay. They were a problem when we first moved in, but Chris sprayed the outside (and inside) parameter of the house and we didn't see them for six months. They showed up abruptly about two weeks ago, despite my attempts to keep the kitchen remarkably clean.

It went on and on and on, and suddenly I realized I had been awake for an hour and a half.

I thought about my doctor's appointment I had earlier today and the Lexapro I virtually begged him for, then rued my decision to take the pill immediately before I went to bed.

One never knows with anti-depressants: Do they wire you? Do they make you sleepy? I had tried to determine this before I took it. The listed side effects were BOTH sleepiness and insomnia. I erred on the sleepiness side.

Wrong choice.

I have recently admitted defeat in several areas, one being my mental health.

It has caused angst throughout my entire life.

I come from a long line of glass-half-empty, depressive individuals; I come by it honestly and I recognize that the unfortunate chemical imbalance which was passed down to me is sometimes out of my control.

My stint of existing for almost three years without any sort of anti-depressant ended on March 1st, 2010.

I was pregnant and nursing for a portion of these three years. I am someone who ~ quite surprisingly ~ is fairly stable during pregnancy and post-pregnancy. Aside from one day of outbursts and tears postpartum (that can be attributed to a lack of sleep), I have never suffered from PPD.

It is when the hormones completely wear off that I become a hot mess.

The hormones leaving my body, as well of the stress of moving across the country, buying a house, moving again, having an ongoing cycle of sick kids, dealing with a new job, trying to make new friends, etc., finally took its toll on me.

I was making no friends this morning at LabCorp. I was ushered into the back room and they took several vials of my blood. These vials would help determine my liver and kidney functions, cholesterol, blood sugar and several other issues that I can't recall at this time.

I thought of asking for an extra vial of blood to take to the bank to see if they could use that, too, along with the fifty other documents the loan officer had requested within the past week to prove our identities and income.

I met the loan officer yesterday, though, and she seemed pretty uptight. I don't think she would appreciate that sort of humor.

It also might be detrimental to the loan process and label us as "weird" and even worse, "crazy." We are taking great pains to keep our noses clean and avoid any action that would negatively affect the loan for our new house.

So, for strictly pragmatic reasons, we'll keep the humor to ourselves. For now.


Christy said...

Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way.

Chani said...

Love. Your. Blogging. Please don't take as long of a break again.

I too stress about these things, specifically money-related things. Then my inherent laziness takes over and I just stop thinking about it. Kinda like head-in-the-sand syndrome. I keep waiting for the day when I'll need anti-depressants too since pretty much every woman in my family is prescribed them.

Anyway, that was long, and all I wanted to say was ((hugs)).