Thursday, July 1, 2010

Floundering Fatties and 12 Miles

So yeah, I took a break. I needed to fall back and re-group. To like, re-assess what I was going to write about, instead of aimless floundering about.

Except...that whole "aimlessly floundering thing?" That would describe, like, three-quarters of my entire life. My favorite word is "whatever." My favorite item of clothing is a tank top with a shelf bra and I go pantiless in my drawstring shorts 99% of my day and elastic waist stretch pants.

It might be surprising to know that one of the most disciplined areas in my life is exercise. (The bummer of this is the LEAST disciplined area of my life is food.)

It began when Wes was about three years old (now nine).

Chris joined a gym in 2005. I was super fat and super pissed, because at that point in our young lives we were super in debt and super broke.

He got into it big time and met his friend every morning at four a.m. to exude testosterone and drink protein shakes.

One day I decided to get my body fat tested. My decision to do this came after a convergence of external and internal factors: I was hen pecked encouraged by my husband to become healthier. I am sure I wanted to use the gym membership to get my money's worth...sort of a "might as well join 'em" mentality.

I also recall numerous bouts of tears about the small assortment of fugly fat clothes in my closet.

After the (predictably, horrifying) body fat test, I mounted the elliptical machine. At five minutes I was, again~predictably~winded.

Five minutes turned into ten, then fifteen, then twenty. Then an hour. I worked at it, and I was running miles, doing classes, and kicking ass. Then because I was so hot with my new bod...I sorta got knocked up again and took a leap (or fifty) backwards.

So, a couple months ago I started the Couch to 5 K Program.

I had always been jogging ~ albeit off and on ~with no real direction. Again ~ SURPRISE! ~ "floundering."

Since beginning C25K, I had been encouraged by a friend of my brother's whom I have never technically met to do the Disney Wine and Dine 1/2 Marathon with her in October. She has no idea what sort of hot, smelly mess I turn into when I jog. She is in for a rude, RUDE awakening.

She pops up on my Facebook page approximately once a week, like a deranged cheerleader, and cheers at me reminding me of the twelve mile suck-a-thon that I may or may not have agreed to. It has only one redeeming quality which is the promise of alcohol at the end.

This event has been in the back of my mind as I completed the C25K program and began the Bridge to 10K this past week.

So, the seemingly floundering fatty on the treadmill at Thriv Fitness in Flagler County, Florida isn't floundering anymore. She is making a statement as of today, folks. She is training for a half marathon this fall.

She is going to stink it up, sweat and bring on the wary looks of onlooking paramedics, as her partner (whom, she has never actually met) glows. Because I have seen pictures of her. And she looks like one of those people who glows.

I'll keep everyone posted on my progress. I ran 3.25 miles yesterday at an astonishingly slow speed. I suppose a glass half full person would say I am 1/4 there...but I thought I was going to have to be carried out of the gym and there was a moment in which I might have seen Jesus ~and my Grandaddy ~ beckoning me home.

(Post note: I just looked at the details of the Wine and Dine and I have several issues with this race. One being the date. Another being the time of day. If I run at any other time of day other than the morning, I burp uncontrollably. If I don't run this particular race, I will run a race. I vow to run a race. <3)

(Post Post Note: That photo is TOTALLY me, in case you wondered. It's a MIRACLE! I have no cellulite and I have a WAISTLINE!!!!)


Kyla said...

LOL... I love you, MaryAnn. And I give you props. I want to be a runner. Well, not right this second in my impregnanted state, but one day I would like to be a runner/jogger/hobbler.

M.A. said...

I love you too, Kyla. You are so adorable. :) Not even kidding.