Monday, November 30, 2009
Chubby People and Pure Joy
The other day I noticed that "Every Bite is Pure Joy" is printed on the side of each McDonald's bag.
At first I was a little horrified.
McDonald's is an institution that I hold in a similar regard as Walmart and Suntrust Bank. I wholly believe that these companies actively dream up new, different and twisted ways to kill our souls and bodies just a little bit faster in the form of greasy foods, astronomical fees, long lines and disgruntled employees.
Therefore, I try to keep my patronage infrequent and only by necessity.
But seriously, pure joy? It made me angry because this was EXACTLY what McDonald's wanted me to do: ponder the joy of a French fry.
And you know what? Dammit, they are right! It IS pure joy.
French fries? When they are hot and salty and just perfectly golden and crunchy? Bliss.
A Big Mac? When the special sauce is dripping out the other side? Awesome.
Quarter Pounders with cheese? In all of their greasiness and cheesiness? Perfect.
It was at that moment I realized that I will never be skinny. Never.
I have an inappropriate relationship with food that transcends "just getting up and moving a little bit" and watching what I eat.
I love to watch what I eat.
I love the look of food, even if it is something as bourgeois as meat gravy on top of mashed potatoes. I love the taste of food. There isn't much of anything that I will refuse. The nicest thing one can do for me, in my opinion, is cook for me or bring me food.
Our best friends in Iowa had this figured out. When Chris was in Iraq they brought us spaghetti, meatballs and salad on a weekly basis. And Cherry Garcia ice cream.
Meatballs. Mongolian beef. Soy sauce. Pad Thai.
Some of my very favorite things in life. No raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens for me ~~ PF Chang's Mongolian beef delights me, thank you very much.
I am convinced that the skinny people ~the TRULY skinny ~ don't have a pure love of food. And if they do have that love, they are spending their lives horribly, truly miserable by depriving themselves.
And that is how I rationalize my chubbiness.
It is my hope every day that I am on the verge of ending a 35-year phase. One day I will wake up and will be able to "take it or leave it."
In the meantime, I will enjoy my cold cut combo from Subway with the extra jalapenos and run a 1/2 mile more tomorrow.