Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Highlights and Snuggies

I'm sitting here wrapped in a blanket, freezing my ass off and surrounded by plants that had to be brought indoors because there was a frost warning last night.

It's just all wrong, living in Florida and all.

The beach is FIVE MILES AWAY and not even two months ago we were sweltering.  I was worrying about my pit stains and crotch sweat and every weekend  the kids frolicked happily in the surf.  I was sun-kissed.

I've been woefully uninspired to write.  And the story I could tell you that I could spin as "amusing" is still terribly disturbing to us (see #5).   The situation still stings.

Chris did a fab job on the outside lights.

I finally got around to putting up the inside lights and decorations this week.    It looks really nice, although I had to leave most of the ornaments off of the tree because Maggie is almost as bad as a feral cat and is tearing ornaments off  of the tree almost as fast as I can put them back on.

Here are some more highlights/activities of our Fall 2010 in Florida.

1.  I taught myself how to play guitar via the Garage Band application on my Mac.   It took me an entire day.   

Part of the reason I was so hell-bent on learning the guitar is that both Calvin AND Chris have been trying to learn to play, too.   I wanted to blow them all to hell and crush their testosterone driven self-esteem.  

Plus, I just wanted to say "I taught myself how to play guitar in one day."  

Now I'm playing guitar in our church praise band.   I think that the pastor's wife playing guitar is SO much less cliche than the pastor's wife playing piano...which I do play, too.   

I studied piano for years and years and guitar is so much easier.      

2.  I organized under my sink in my bathroom today, which is more astonishing if you would have seen the "before" situation.  I would open the door and shi* would literally fall out.  

About two months ago, I bought something that looked like shelving (but was still wrapped in plastic and unassembled) at a yard sale for a dollar.  I asked the guy selling it what it was, and he just shrugged, "I dunno."    Today I put it together and it was exactly what I needed to contain my out of control collection of lotions/perfumes/soaps I have acquired (see pic).

3.  I finished painting the master bathroom (that I started about 2 months ago) and began painting the master bedroom.   I touched up the spot where Maggie decorated the wall with lip gloss.  I was smokin' on fire and was a painting machine, then I ran out of paint. 

4.  A car was stolen from our next door neighbor's house last weekend while I was STANDING IN THE DRIVEWAY taking Maggie out of her carseat.   I must have been completely out to lunch because I didn't even notice that it happened until the owner of the car ran out of the house yelling, "What happened to my car?"      

5.  Our doctor completely flaked out on Chris... sort of like a Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde situation.  I kid you not; we have never had anything like that happen before.   

Chris called his office and asked to speak to him personally because he  had some questions for him regarding some prescriptions.   

The psychotic freak weirdo called him back and was obviously taping the phone call.   The doctor yelled at him, insulted him and told him I was lying about what medications I was on.  The entire "thing" started about a medication that he abruptly refused to refill that I have been on for years.   

Maybe someday it will be funny, but right now I am too cynical and way too pissed off.   I'm pissed off I have to find a new doctor, most of all.  They are a dime a dozen, but it is difficult to find a good one.  Obviously

If you want to know what doctor to NEVER go to just holla.    This dude has obviously been sued before.

6.  I shot a gun for the first time.  

I mean, come on....we live in Florida.  I'm convinced that most Floridians have shot some sort of weapon by age five, and that a good 50% people are packing heat in the local Publix.   

Concealed weapons permits cost $50.00 and a class is required.  That's it.  And if you are in the military, it isn't even required that you must take the class.     

Chris took a video of me shooting a Glock 9mm, and I looked really kick ass.  Almost like Angelina Jolie in Mr. and Mrs. Smith, as far as YOU know.   

Okay...actually I looked pretty lame, but I shot the target in the nuts several times.  And I wasn't even AIMING for anything.   

During all of these shenanigans I have done not ONE lick of exercise.   I've fallen off the wagon so hard, it smarts where my large ass hit the ground.  

I will get back into it, I'm sure.

As in, probably when everyone else does after the first of the year, like a  chubby lemming.  

I'll follow the masses as they all show up at the gym on January 2nd (or the first Monday following the holiday).  Presumably after they have consumed all the Christmas candy and the leftovers in the refrigerator.     

I'll be right there with them, because if I am anything, I am a follower.   "That's a GREAT idea," is one of my favorite phrases.    

Right now, a great idea would be take a  cruise to somewhere warmer.   Because it is freezing outside again tonight.  And I don't think I am cut out for the cold.    A Snuggie would definitely be welcome for a Christmas present.  


1 comment:

tedsbodyshop said...

you do make my day when you write, so thank you for that :) I decided to call and look into rejoining a gym today and the guy on the answering machine says he is actually gone till Dec 16th! Who knows if i will still be motivated by then! By then i will have inhaled massive amounts of sugar and bread and won't care until i try to get out my spring clothes

Keep Warm!